How could I ever Know
by WaveRider 53
Summary: Post Volde's death, Harry is in Sirius' house and finds an old video.


**Not your typical song fic… warning it's sad.. and I don't own anything**

**The characters are JK Rowlings and the song is from the Secret Garden how could I ever know.. if you don't know the song I recommend listening to it.. it make the story that much better.. (London cast is the best version)**

_**How could I ever know?**__  
_

_How could I know I would have to leave you?  
How could I know I would hurt you so?  
You were the one I was born to love!  
Oh, how could I ever know?  
How could I ever know?_

Lily sits a corner singing softly to the baby in her arms. James is at work and like most days Lily sits at home wishing she could give little Harry a better life then being trap in a house.

_How can I say to go on without me?  
How, when I know you still need me so?  
How can I say not to dream about me?  
How could I ever know?  
How could I ever know?  
_

"Lily?" James comes around the corner, his face not in view; he must be the one who is holding the camera.

"James!" Lily gets up, eye shining bright with love.

"were not going to leave him." James says slowly

"James Potter what is in your hand?" Lily asks ignoring his pervious statement.

His voice laughs, "you sing so pretty, couldn't help my self."

"well put it away! It time for dinner anyways. Will you change Harry?"

The screen goes black. Harry potter sits in the attic of his Sirius' house; Voldemolt was killed three days ago. In the dark his eyes started to tear up, this video, probably was one of the last if his parents. He sat in the dark staring at the black screen when it flashes blue and then Sirius comes into view.

"Harry," a video of his also dead godfather, looking very shabby but a lot younger than how Harry knows him looks directly at him talking like he was standing before him. "oh Harry. If you are watching this, then you probably hate me. I don't blame you. I should have been there for you. That was my promise to James. I know what you must think of me. But the truth must be said. I was not your parents secret keeper." Harry look at the video, this must have been made before he met Sirius in third year. "But I don't deny that I killed them. I convinced James to switch the job to Peter. Said no one would ever suspect. Well no one had to; Peter gave your parents, his only friends, to Lord Voldemolt. That was unforgivable, and he will pay. I will see that. It's the least I could do. They wont give you to me now, not when they all think I was the traitor. If I was in their shoes and only knew what they knew, I wouldn't either. In fact I should keep a look out for Remus, Lord know he might come looking for me to kill me, that what I'm doing to Peter, I would aspect no less from him."

_Forgive me.  
Can you forgive me  
And hold me in your heart,  
And find some new way to love me  
Now that we're apart?  
How could I know I would never hold you?  
Never again in this world, but oh,  
Sure as you breathe, I am there inside you,  
How could I ever know?  
How could I ever know?_

Sirius looked down, he age already starting show already, " I wanted to raise you. We all had this vision. With Remus being what he is and refusing to go out and even try, and my Marlene now gone, it was only Lily and James who were going to have kids, but we were all a family. We were all going to raise you and we all did for the past year, but now… how can you forgive me Harry? How can I sit here and ask for your forgiveness, when I can't even forgive my self."

The screen went black and Harry fully realized that he was crying. "You don't have to ask. There was nothing to forgive." He told the blank screen. He sat in that room for hours. Torturing himself with vision of what could have been. Going on picnics, to qudditch matches, Christmas dinners and parties. The list was endless, but at last he stood. He lost everyone now. First his parents, then Sirius, and now Remus. The war was over, but how could he even hope to live a normal life, with all the death that he's been through. He thought of Ginny, how could learn to make a family, when he never truly knew his own? He knew that he had to move on, and that was the only way to make it through this, but how can he do that, when this was all he ever known.

_How can I hope to go on without you?  
How can I know where you'd have me go?  
How can I bear not to dream about you?  
Oh, how can I let you go?_


End file.
